BECAUSE I DO

A Working Marriage

           Many of us grow up with dysfunctional or absent marriages. Statistically speaking you are not supposed to be married. You are not even supposed to want to be married. You were not even supposed to get married. And you are certainly not supposed to be in this room trying to have a better marriage. Followed up with "that workshop will never work. Marriages do not get better at workshops." But here you are. Whether you came because she threatened you or he has already moved out, you have decided to fight for a future that you have never seen an example of. Being here takes courage, in front of all these people who have similar issues as you: their marriage is likewise broken and in need of encouragement. The more important similarity is that you are here, you have decided that the time you spend here is worth it to enhance your marriage, and you are invested at a high level. Your presence says that your marriage matters to you!

           When you consider the word legacy, it is defined as anything handed down from the past. Sometimes legacy is associated with money. How many of us will inherit anything other than debt? Not many but we have all inherited some family and its issues and activities. All of which add up to the legacy you have. Some of us have never seen a successful marriage. Others of us have never seen a healthy marriage. Still others of us have never even seen a marriage in our families. Needless to say, we are up against incredible odds!

           So based on the legacy we have, we should not even know what marriage is. We are not destined to have a great marriage. But you have taken it upon yourself to challenge that legacy, your personal lineage, to change the course of that legacy spoke unto us, just by you being here. The fact that you showed up is enough notification that you are considering a different present and legacy.

           The legacy we create involves an element of change that requires work. Marriage is hard work! Make no mistake! It is daily work! No breaks! No vacations! No time-outs! The first step to establishing the legacy you desire is to remember what your spouse needs from you, expects from you, and gives to you through their lives, their heart, their sacrifices, their energy, their time, and their talent. Your spouse does things that they have never done as a spouse and they give more of themselves than they ever had. Do not take your spouse for granted. Emotional neglect happens in marriages daily because we assume that our spouse is okay with everything we are doing. Give our spouse what they ask and ultimately require of you. Giving your mate what they need will allow for your marriage to be better and more engaging.

           Your marriage deserves the best of you, your time, your energy, and your focus. How do I do that? You have to keep your marriage first-this means that you protect the time for your marriage. Give it ALL of you! It deserves all of you. Your marriage has to last for the rest of your life, so you need to do what is necessary to ensure that your spouse knows that she/he is first right after God. Your time is valuable to your mate. Do you remember when you were in love with your mate? You could not wait until you were in her presence again. Your workday was too long. The traffic was too much. All you wanted to do was see your mate. Now you are married. You are not in a hurry to get home. You are not thinking of her as much. Your dialogue and communication are severely lower, strained, and critically different.