I Have a Constant Fear That I Might Kill You - Understanding Harm OCD and Violent Intrusive Thoughts

What if the most frightening thought you have ever had is about hurting someone you love?

Imagine standing in the kitchen with your partner when an unexpected thought enters your mind: What if I stabbed them? You are horrified. You have no desire to hurt anyone, yet the image feels disturbingly real. Soon, you begin questioning yourself. Why did you think it? Could you lose control? What if the thought reveals something terrible about who you really are?

For people experiencing harm-related obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), these questions can become an exhausting and seemingly endless search for certainty.

I Have a Constant Fear That I Might Kill You explores one of the most misunderstood forms of OCD: unwanted, violent intrusive thoughts that can leave people terrified of themselves. Through the unfolding story of Anna, a woman who becomes consumed by fears of harming her husband, the book reveals how ordinary mental experiences can develop into debilitating obsessions, and how attempts to prevent danger can gradually take control of everyday life.

Drawing on psychological research and clinical understanding, the book explains why intrusive images and impulses can feel so convincing, how mental checking, reassurance seeking and avoidance maintain the cycle of OCD, and why the pursuit of absolute certainty so often makes the problem worse. It also examines the stigma surrounding violent obsessions, the difficulties of recognizing harm OCD, and the principles of effective psychological treatment, including exposure and response prevention.

Written in accessible, compassionate language, this book is intended for people struggling with frightening intrusive thoughts, their families, and anyone seeking a deeper understanding of OCD.

Recovery does not require proving that every frightening thought is meaningless or achieving complete certainty about the future. It begins with learning to live without allowing fear and doubt to dictate your actions.