LOVERS AT FIRST GLANCE

Sometimes, you have to sit back and reflect on your marriage relationship to determine its state. Is it in good standing or are there some red flags to be concerned about? Couples are interested in practical solutions that focus on how to deal with potential trouble spots in marriage. Their problem areas may be minimal, but they also know that over time "little foxes spoil the vine."

Chapter One: Friday, May 6, 1949, was no different from any other day in the Meadors' family. Kenneth and Dixie spent the night with an uncle, and in the early morning hours of May 7, long before the sun burst upon the eastern horizon, a neighboring nurse was summoned to the Meadors' house to help with the delivery of a baby. She lived next door, so rushing over for this notable occasion was not difficult. A short time later Raymond Elton Meadors was among earth's newest residents.

Chapter Two: At age sixteen Mary was looking for a relationship that would provide safety and security. A forty-three-year-old man came along and seemed to be Mary's answer for stability, support, and protection. At this young and tender age, Mary D. Espinoza and Othur Wesley Farrington joined together in matrimony. Othur and Mary moved to Orange County, California and on July 10, 1952, their second daughter was born. Othur was the proud 53-year-old father of a beautiful baby girl. Her surname was Farrington and her given name was Carolyn (Carol) Ann.

Chapter Three: Carol's graduation marked the second anniversary of courtship, and a date for marriage was pending. Carol and Chris seemed perfect for each other-an enviable athlete and a shapely, dark-haired beauty. However, Carol realized intuitively there was glaring incompatibility. It was not an easy stage of life, resulting in painful introspection over an extended time. Carol often queried, "Isn't this the type relationship I have always dreamed? What is wrong with me?" She tried to ignore it, but the nagging concern would not go away. Attempts to finalize marriage plans inevitably ended in disputed argument and unwanted conflict.

Chapter Four: We, the newlyweds, soared from coast to coast and border to border. Central America and South America beckoned. Ports of call in the exotic Caribbean included The Bahamas, Jamaica, Haiti, Puerto Rico, The Virgin Islands, Antigua, Barbados, Trinidad, and Tobago. This was blissful and heavenly. Why didn't we think of this idea earlier? We were in love; in fact, we swore to live exclusively on love, if necessary. What else was needed? As one notable comic stated, "I can live on love until lunch time and then I get a little hungry," and after the first year of marriage, we tended to agree. And then we woke up ... the honeymoon doesn't last forever. Storybook dreams of a perfect marriage are an illusion, and we learned this through a head-on crash with reality. How could our relationship encounter difficulty? Was it uniquely conceived in heaven or not? The answer was simple. Heaven did its part in matchmaking, but we were in for rude awakenings. We failed to realize that these matches thrive under difficult circumstances. Marriages sculpted in heaven are lived on planet earth in a rough and tumble world-a world full of pressure and a one tearing at the fabric of the strongest relationships. We came to grips with the fact that marriage is the perfect union of two imperfect people.

Dr. Meadors is a Licensed Psychologist, having earned the Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.) degree in Counseling Psychology. Before devoting full time to therapeutic practice, he maintained ordination in a religious organization that serves 80 million adherents worldwide. He and his wife, Carol Farrington Meadors, M.A. LPC, collaborate in writing and publishing based on their half-century marriage and as many years working in the field of Positive Psychology.