Whether They Come Back or Not

"I need space from you. Please don't call."

On a Sunday night in September, Ruth gets that text from her grown son. She does not know why. This book follows her through the next year, in her kitchen and in a library room where parents meet monthly.

There she meets Bev, whose daughter came back after six years, Frank, who is afraid of his son, and Diane, whose daughter has asked for no contact. Their stories end in different places, and none is easy.

If your grown child has stopped speaking to you, this book is for you. It shows what helped, what made things worse, and how to build a life you can live, whether your child comes back or not.

What you get

• Help if you fear your child, or your child says you or someone in your home abused them


• What to say to relatives and friends, and how to get through the holidays


• A short first message to your child, written out in full


• A help page with phone numbers at the front

Who it is for

Mothers and fathers whose grown child has stopped speaking to them on purpose, whether or not the reason is clear. It takes no side and names the hurt on both sides.

What it is not

It is short, about the length of an evening or two of reading. It is not therapy and does not replace a therapist or your doctor. The author is not a therapist. The book draws on published research and on guidance from official health and safety sources, each named in the text.